Many
feminists now deciding to have babies are conceiving through
artificial insemination. Conception from the most common methods,
including the "turkey baster," results in a very high
percentage of male births. When I point this out to women who have
not yet given birth, they are unconcerned, and when I touch on the
problem with women who have already borne sons, they assure me that I
needn't worry; they will rear their boys so differently, turn them
into such a new breed of men, that the world will be changed.I'm certain that when they say this they are utterly sincere and well-meaning. I am certain that they have no intention of insulting the vast rest of us - living and dead - who have had sons we were not able to turn into a new breed of men. I'm equally certain they believe they will succeed where hundreds of generations of us have failed.
But it still hurts me that they so thoughtlessly participate in this unconscious blaming of all previous mothers for the wretched condition of the world. I am surprised that they believe that women can change the basic formative fact of men's lives - which is that every man born automatically his violence-based-and perpetuated privilege - by rearing their sons to be profeminist.
After long thought, I have concluded that women who have not been the mothers of adolescent males understand neither their own position in patriarchy nor the position of their sons. Patriarchy tells mothers unctuously that we are very important and have much influence, but its behavior speaks louder than these words. Of all persons in patriarchal society, mothers have been set up to have least credibility.
In the face of this enormous handicap, and despite there being at present no way to be a man that is both acceptable to the Mothers as well as to the fathers, we have been able to counter some of what patriarchy has taught our sons about how to be human. And so our sons may be more conscious, less violent, more decent than their forebears (though to counteract feminist influence, male media violence has been stepped up a hundredfold; mothers' love is simply no match for it).
Despite our best efforts, however, our sons must be male. And to be male in patriarchy means to have automatic privilege in relation to the females of one's group, privilege one gets only through unceasing male violence and terrorism against them. Until this is no longer true, our sons will be characterologically damaged by patriarchy no matter what we do. Until this is no longer true, it doesn't matter how hard we try to teach our sons another way of being men, they will in some ways still be monsters. Some less monstrous than others, but all monstrous.
This is the reason that women's raising sons has not changed the world, not because mothers didn't want passionately for our sons to be decent, loving, and good, and do everything we could think of to bring that about, but because by its very nature having privilege at others' expense renders one unable to be fully decent, loving,and good.
This is the reason feminists rearing sons can never change the world. We must simply give up forever the idea that we can change anything through someone else: our sons, our husbands, any man, any other woman. We can only change ourselves. That's all, but that's the She/Volution.